Amidst a whirl of controversy, Boston’s Franklin Park Zoo yesterday opened a special Yankees Fan exhibit. Frank Menson, Yankees fan for many years, voluntarily agreed to be taken into captivity when he learned that for the next three months he will get free food and unlimited access to tv—two of the top priorities of the largely illiterate Yankee fan population—while being featured in the exhibit.
“This is an absolute outrage,” said an enraged Yankees GM Brian Cashman. “Boston has just gone too far. They humiliate us in 2004, have us chasing them all year in the standings, but now, now, they are featuring one of our fans as an exhibit at a local zoo? What next?”
A spokesman for the zoo took sharp exception to Cashman’s charges. “We put an ad in the New York papers and got no response because of the illiteracy issue,” he explained. “But then we set up a booth outside Yankee Stadium, and got hundreds of applicants. It was all done in a voluntary and sensitive way.”
Menson, who like most Yankees fans has a rudimentary understanding of baseball, mostly enjoys going to the ballpark, getting sickeningly drunk, and then throwing rocks at opposing players. He will be kept in an enclosed cage for his own protection. He is being given beer and Styrofoam rocks to keep him content. “We want to keep his surroundings as close to the environment he is used to,” the spokesman said. “He is being treated in a humane way, his needs are being met, and he is allowed to bathe once a week—far more than the typical Yankees fan.”
Larry Lucchino feels the exhibit is being handled with dignity. “I took the whole family the other day, and we had a wonderful time,” he said. “It was fascinating to observe this creature up close. Repulsive in many ways, yes, but he is a part of this universe and we must see him to understand him. Like any Yankees fan, he made an obscene gesture when we waved to him, so be careful about taking the kids.”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
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