Schilling Says Pepsi Ad Proves ARod is a Weasel

By this time, nearly everyone has seen the new advertisement for Pepsi.  Alex Rodriguez and Vladimir Guerrero meet in a deserted baseball field in the middle of the night—oddly, wearing their baseball uniforms—and begin hitting long flyballs.  One smashes a car window, another the field lights, and finally—with dramatic special effects—the moon is hit and shattered to smithereens.  Entertainment?  To some.  But Curt Schilling says that it is but further evidence of Rodriguez’s character.
           “I mean, look at the ad,” says an agitated Schilling.  “First of all, they’re both punks, because they’re destroying public property all to win a can of Pepsi.  That’s absurd enough, because everyone knows Coke is better.  But then, the little weasel ARod is the first one to yell, “Run!”  when the moon breaks.  Do you think Derek Jeter would do something like that?  No way.  He’d stay there, face the music, and pay for the damage he caused.”
           Schilling also points to the way the ad ends.  “The topper is that not only is ARod the wus who yells ‘Run!’,” the Sox closer continues, his agitation mounting, “but then he slithers back and grabs the can of Pepsi when Vladi’s out of the picture!  What a complete loser.  Vladi hit the damn moon with his best shot, anyone can see he won the contest!  Instead, ARod pulls a cheap wimp stunt like that.  I’m only surprised he didn’t do another one of his girly slaps on Vladi.  The guy’s not only a disgrace to the game, but a disgrace to good t.v. commercials too.  My Dunkin Donut ad last year was ten times funnier.”  Schilling pauses, and then smiles.  “I mean, funniah.  Funniah.”

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