He came to the big leagues with the highest of expectations and has fallen far short. Though his fielding has been outstanding, his hitting has been abominable. He has seemed overmatched at the plate and his strikeout rate is off the charts. Yesterday, the Red Sox discovered the real reason why.
"Farrell came to me the other day and told me they found this large hole in my bat," said a visibly relieved Bradley Jr. "All this time I thought I was just one of the worst hitters ever to play the game, but it turns out the ball was going right through the hole. Now I know why I strikeout so much. This explains everything."
The Sox immediately presented Bradley Jr. with a new bat, in the hope that he will now return to being a decent hitter. "I can't wait to get up and face some pitching," he said. "Now that my bat doesn't have this gaping hole, I'm going to start hitting bombs."
Call of the Green Monster cornered John Farrell to ask if the story was actually true. After an initial "no comment," we threatened to reveal an embarrassing incident from his early teenage years involving urinary control. "Ok, ok, cripes, don't tell anybody about that," the Sox skipper said. "Of course we made it up! The guy looks like a deer in the headlights up there. We had to do something to shake him up. Hole in the bat...can you come up with anything better?"