He's been the bridesmaid, the beauty queen's ugly sister for years. Don Orsillo has always barely been able to mask his seething jealousy over Jerry Remy's phenomenal popularity, but he believes times may finally be changing.
"Maybe I don't have a website, a restaurant, merchandise and all that crap," the bitter Orsillo said. "But I think fans may finally be seeing that I'm really the show. I'm the funny one. For instance, the whole Wally thing? My idea. And have you been to his restaurant? Awful. They serve low-grade dogfood."
While Orsillo plans to pull some of the tactics that have had mixed results in the past, such as shutting of Remy's microphone or lighting his shoelaces on fire, he also has grander plans.
"I'm going to take my message to the streets," he said emphatically. "Show people that I'm the renaissance man announcer. I will embrace the pinks hats, and drink beers with the Dirt Dogs. I'll sing "Sweet Caroline" and throw batteries at ARod. But I will be recognized! I will be loved! I will become more popular than the FlemDog!"
A bewildered Remy merely shrugged his shoulders. "Don has issues. He's an announcer. I'm a rock star."