One of the enduring stories of last season's Red Sox collapse was of the rampant drinking in the clubhouse. So it came as no surprise when one of Bobby Valentine's first moves as Red Sox manager was to announce that alcohol would be prohibited in the clubhouse and on flights returning to Boston. While some players supported the move, others grumbled. But evidently some of the malcontents have found loopholes to Valentine's rule.
"The ban is on alcohol in the clubhouse, which to me means that it's okay to drink beer on the bench, as long as you don't bring it through the clubhouse," explained Josh Beckett, speaking on the condition of anonymity. "Now, I'll just have one of the vendors bring me down some suds, or maybe have the groundskeepers slip me a six pack, and I can still get toasted during the game. Hell, I might even sit in the bleachers with all the other drunks."
As for the plane rule, Jon Lester got to work on that. "Couple of things there give me hope," he noted. "One, we can still get hammered on other team flights, just not the ones back to Boston. Second, even on flights returning to Boston, nothing says you can't chug down several beers at the airport bar before getting on the plane. Maybe even slip a few nips on the plane! You know what? I think we're gonna be okay!"
When apprised of the loopholes, Valentine vowed to close them. But, rolling his eyes, he added, "I can't tell you how encouraging it is to hear my pitchers are spending more time working around my no alcohol policy than they are on their pitching..."