The troubling offseason for the Boston Red Sox just got worse as confirmed sources have revealed to Call of the Green Monster that JD Drew knowingly and willfully consumed alfalfa sprouts and brie during games, and washed it down with Perrier. When confronted with the news, Drew came clean this morning, and tearfully admitted to the practice.
"It's not like I did it every night," Drew said, dabbing his eyes with an embroidered handkerchief. "It was like a once a month thing. Some guys like suckin' down beer and greasy fried chicken, and this is how I roll." Drew also admitted to playing the occasional video game, though he stressed he was only playing a Christian-based game that tested his knowledge of biblical passages.
"This is the most disturbing news of all," said an exasperated Larry Lucchino. "We had a man's man, a true dirtdog in Trot Nixon, and we replaced him with the kind of guy who eats alfalfa sprouts and brie? No wonder we fell apart. Where's the Popeye's?"
