Fresh off the "birther" campaign, used by Donald Trump as yet another means to get on television, the self-proclaimed genius yesterday abandoned his mission to prove Obama was not born in the U.S., but cast his doubts now on a new area of concern.
"I've watched this Ellsbury kid for a while now," Trump said yesterday. "Four weeks ago, I thought he might be a leadoff hitter. Now, I'm even less sure, and I have a team of invesitgators looking into it every day. So I say to this guy, if you're a real leadoff hitter, just prove it to us! What's so hard about that?"
Terry Francona shook his head when he heard the news. "You know, Trump's the only guy in the world who makes me feel lucky I'm bald," he reflected. "Please, move on to more important issues, like does ARod carry a purse or not? Does he wear mascara? America would really like to know that. Let's focus on what really matters."
"I'm really proud of myself today," Trump continued. "I heard Ellsbury's batting ninth tonight. I'm just amazing."