A frustrated Larry Lucchino stood before the media to answer questions about a story broken by Call of the Green Monster regarding the Red Sox recent request to be allowed to sell alcohol to minors who provide a permission slip from their parents. The request was immediately denied. "Of all the over-protective, prudish nonsense I've ever heard of, this takes the cake," Lucchino groused. "It's a sad day in this city when a young kid--with a permission slip from his parents, mind you--can't enjoy a few pops while watching the game. People want us to beat the Yankees, but when it comes to letting us increase our revenue by making a fortune selling booze to kids, noooo! They say the idea is 'inappropriate.'"
Lucchino was asked if he really wanted to be responsible for getting minors started on liquor. "Hey look, buddy," the feisty Lucchino replied, "do see anybody in our bleachers drinking responsibly? No, and they're adults, at least chronologically. I have faith that our youngsters will see the errors of their elders and will make wise decisions and not drink themselves into a catatonic trance like many Sox fans do. Plus, c'mon, there are only so many beers a 10-year-old can suck down into that still-developing stomach."
"Unfathomably irresponsible," said Mayor Mennino through a spokesperson (who admitted that the mayor could not successfully articulate those words without assistance). "Next thing you know, they'll be asking if they can serve cigars to kids."
When apprised of those comments, Lucchino raised his eyebrows. "Wait a minute," he said reflectively. "That's actually not such a bad idea. Fenway Cigars! Would we even need a permission slip for that?"
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