It has been said that Jerry Remy is so popular in Boston that he could take an oily rag, slap the RemDawg logo on it, and sell it on his website to add to his billion dollar empire. While not yet resorting to that, Remy did announce yesterday that he does plan to actually sell parts of his own body, namely his mustache, eyebrows, and fingernails.
"When the marketing department from RemDawg Nation first came to me with the idea, I was a little skeptical," Remy said yesterday from his corporate headquarters. "But it makes sense, because all of these things grow back, right? Hell, I chew off my fingernails every time the Sox play a close one, why not make some cash for that?"
Remy's website, which has been known for being far better at collecting money than delivering products in a timely manner, has not previously ventured into the marketing and sale of human body parts. They see tremendous growth potential in this area, in more ways than one. "Think about it," Remy said. "I have limitless supplies of these goods at no cost! I can't believe I never thought of selling parts of my body before. Marketing thinks I can get $10 million for a finger. I'm not ready to go that route yet, but hey, in this down economy you never know."
Terry Francona rolled his eyes when informed of Remy's latest venture. "It's disgusting," the skipper said, while hucking out a tremendous glob of tobacco, bubblegum, sunflower seeds, and jalapeno peppers. "I ordered a few fingernails just to stay on good terms with the guy, but I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with them."
Larry Lucchino felt the need to stay on Remy's good side as well. "I put in for some eyebrow, though I'm totally grossed out by this," he said. "But I didn't want any part of that pathetic mustache."
