With the start of the regular season fast approaching, the Red Sox know that their first visit of the season to Yankee Stadium is fast approaching as well. No one realizes this more than new Sox pitcher Boof Bonser. Knowing that sadistic heckling is a favorite pastime of those a-few-DNA-short-of-human beings known as Yankees fans, a spooked Bonser is considering a name change.
"When those animals start in on my name, it's going to get ugly," Bonser told COTGM. "Barf Bonser, Boof Bozo, Boof Boner, Barf Bonehead...I'm sure they've begun preparation already. My real name is John, but if I keep Bonser they'll just keep it up. Right now, I'm thinking of Henry Fontaine."
Terry Francona thinks that Bonser might be underestimating the savageness of Yankees fans. "He's worried about them calling him Barf, or Boner?" an incredulous Francona asked. "Please. Yankees fans don't bother with small time stuff like that. They're going to go right after his mother. His wife and children are fair game too."
Dustin Pedroia agrees. "I was worried they'd call me a dwarf, or shorty...something like that," he said. "But the second I stepped on the field, someone from the bleachers screams out...uh, well...that I'd had an improper sexual relationship with my sister. Then they threw a dead body on the field. I completely stopped worrying about my height after that"
