Always thinking of those in need, Red Sox manager Terry Francona revealed yesterday that he plans to begin a special mission to raise money for those in need. In a quest he labeled "Raise Money, Raise a Hair," the completely bald Francona said he plans to grow a hair for charity.
"There are times when we all need to take on the impossible to better ourselves and to help others, to dream the impossible dream." the Sox skipper said. "I know I can do this. I've cleared some space, and I've been adding some nutrients and I'm confident a little bud is gonna come sprouting up any day now."
Red Sox fans, invigorated by Francona's passion, are putting up millions of dollars for charity for "the little hair that could" as Francona called it with a wink. Early reports however reveal no signs of growth yet, though Francona's advisor, Bud Follicle, said that Red Sox Nation must be patient. "When that hair finally sprouts, it will be glorious," Follicle said.
Larry Lucchino, remained less optimistic. "Fans, your money is safe," Lucchino said dryly. "I put up $10 million myself, because I know that the hair ain't gonna happen. I've seen Terry's head--it's barren."
Francona remains steadfast. "Nothing can stop me now," he said. "I'm "rooting" that hair on, get it?"
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com