Yankees fans could not contain their joy last night as the Bombers won their first World Series in nearly a decade. And, to celebrate, they did what any self-respecting Yankees fan would do: they set fire to their city.
"I thought it was a quiet and decent way for fans to express their joy," a hungover Hank Steinbrenner said, toxic breath emmanating from his mouth. Steinbrenner dropped two Alka-Seltzers into his scotch, and smiled. "Yes, we'll have to rebuild Yankee Stadium, but we have a wonderful celebration to remember. Hell, I cried tears of joy when I saw that all the players' cars were turned over--though evidently ARod plans to sue."
Mayor Bloomberg estimates the total damage to be well over $50 billion, but would not hide his smile. "The taxpayers did it, the taxpayers will rebuild it. It all evens out in the end. Hey, I was part of the mob that knocked over the Statue of Liberty! How often do you get to celebrate like that?"
