The American Cheese Federation announced today that it plans to sue Red Sox color man Dennis Eckersley for “gross exploitation of the word 'cheese.'” Eckersley, who is known to invent his own vocabulary—affectionately called 'dial-eck'—typically refers to a fastball as “cheese.”
“We are very disturbed at the way in which Mr. Eckersley deploys a word that is very dear to our heart,” said Winston Cheddar III, chairman of the American Cheese Federation. "Not since the use of the odious 'cut the cheese' expression have we had such an assault on our beloved."
Cheddar not only takes offense at the misuse of the word, but also some of the descriptions Eckersley uses with it. "Outrageous enough that he chooses to exploit the word itself," Cheddar explained, "but do we have to listen to him use such nausea-inducing terms such as 'cheese with hair on it' or 'high cheese' or 'he left his cheese over the plate?' It simply makes me want to vomit."
Eckersley seemed incredulous when questioned about the lawsuit. "Seems like those pumpkins are boiling under the wrong grill," he told a confused gathering of media. "If my tongue makes this guy toss, that's his hangnail."
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