Adults and children alike were amused and entertained during Tuesday night’s Red Sox-Tigers game as they watched in delight at the antics of an adorably cute squirrel as it scampered around the field throughout the game. Players and fans alike took an obvious liking to the pesky little critter as it went about its merry way.
But delight turned tragedy, as reports today out of Detroit indicate that after the game the Red Sox requested for the squirrel to be slaughtered and served to them as part of the post-game spread.
“It was exquisite, dude!” said an enthused Jonathon Papelbon when asked about the situation. “Man, they had some honey glaze on that thing, and it was marinated real nice. And hell, last night’s game it wasn’t distracting nobody, was it?”
Tim Wakefield, an avid hunter, planned to shoot the squirrel with his cross-bow between innings, but was talked out of it by Terry Francona. “If Timlin was still here, he’d of been eating the little guy raw after the first inning,” Wakefield grumbled.
Animal rights activists were horrified, but a Tigers spokesman said the slaughter was carried out in humane fashion. “At the players’ request, Larry Lucchino approached us and made the request,” the spokesman said. “The squirrel was strangled quickly, and with only a moderate struggle. Its family can live with memories of that magical night when the little guy scampered around to the delight of everyone.”
Lucchino, meanwhile, had no regrets. “I snuck into the clubhouse and got a leg,” he said. “Fenway Franks are made of basically the same stuff, but this was even better.”
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