He is the kind of quietly efficient player that the Red Sox love. And so far this year, Jason Bay has been far more than efficient, quickly helping the legions in Red Sox Nation to forget what’s-his-name, the psychotic former left-fielder with the funny hair. But Bay recently told Call of the Green Monster that he is somewhat bitter not to have garnered the kind of attention always afforded to Manny Ramirez. And now, he plans to do something about it.
“The time has come for me to become controversial,” a smug Bay told COTGM. “You know, not run to first base, miss a game because of a sore throat, take a leak in the Green Monster, that sort of thing. Something that gets me in the newspaper for something other than just doing my job, hitting clutch home runs, and making diving game-saving catches.”
“Jason is about as controversial as Don Knotts,” a deadpanned Terry Francona explained, “and we like him that way. I dealt with that half-wit in left field for five years until we finally shipped his ass to L.A., sticking it to Torre once again.”
Meanwhile, Bay continues to ponder his approach to becoming controversial. “Maybe I could turn a routine double into an inside the park homerun by taking a cutoff throw from Jacoby,” he pondered. “Or, refuse to pinch hit when the team needs me, have a drink with a Yankee player when I was too sick to play, say I have a tight hammy when I don’t get a day off, or…”