Exclusive: Yankees Laid Off 50 Janitors on Christmas Eve to Help Finance Free Agent Signings
A shocking revelation comes from the Yankees front office, as Call of the Green Monsterhas learned that Hank Steinbrenner fired 50 janitors— long employed by the Yankees and making less than minimum wage—on Christmas Eve to help finance the signing bonus given to free agents C.C. Sabathia, Mark Teixeira, and A.J. Burnett. When approached, Steinbrenner made no attempt to deny the report.
“We’re a business,” Steinbrenner said, “and while most of those guys have been with us for more than twenty years, the bottom line is they’ve expendable. Hell, they can live just fine on boiling water and ketchup—makes a lovely tomato soup, I’m told. Yes, their salaries are pretty pathetic, but pooled together we can take a bite out of the signing bonuses that idiot Cashman gave to those free agents. For crying out loud, Sabathia gets more money than God and an opt-out clause, and we give him a bonus as well?”
Steinbrenner went on to say that the Yankees are looking within the organization to see who else they can exploit to help fund their lavish contracts. “Secretaries, employees nearing retirement, younger guys with families…they’re all potential targets,” he said. “We’ve already spent nearly a half of a billion dollars on three players. It’s just a fact of life with the Yankees: the less fortunate pay the price while the rich get richer.”
