Emotional Manny Wants to Come Back to Red Sox

 Just a few minutes after Manny Ramirez learned he had been traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers, he held a party at his condo, complete with a salsa band, elephant rides for the kids, and an indoor Ferris wheel.  “Oh, I’m so happy!!!” he sang to the music as he danced through the rooms.  Then he stopped and asked a close friend, “Who’d they give up with me?”
           Manny was then informed that in addition to himself, Craig Hansen and Brandon Moss had been shipped to Pittsburg.  But when he was told that the Red Sox would be paying the remainder of his salary, a wide-eyed Ramirez stood in shock.  “Stop the party, cut the salsa music, and get the dancing girls outta here—kids, close your eyes,” Ramirez shouted.  He paused for a moment trying to control his emotion, as tear brimmed in his eyes.  “Did you just tell me that the Boston Red Sox are going to pay my salary for the rest of the year?  Oh my goodness!  Lemme tell you, that’s unconditional love for you, dude.  That’s the best people I ever knew, man.  They love me, they really love me.  Paying me to play for another team!”
           Ramirez then went on an ugly tirade expressing his dislike for Dodger management, and threatening violence against club officials.  “The way they treated me, they don’t deserve me.  I’m sick of them.”  When reminded that he hadn’t yet met Dodger management, Ramirez shoved his friend to the ground.
           “Lemme tell you, I demand to go back to the team I love, the Boston Red Sox.  I think now they deserve me.  Now put the salsa music back on and let’s get dancin’.  I love you Boston Red Sox.  I’ll be with you forever!”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com

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