With memories of the glories of their own victory parades still dancing in their heads, the vindictive Boston Red Sox management have announced a special plan designed to limit attendance to the Celtics victory parade at 11:00 today. Sox management last night put out word that at 11:00 today, just when the Celtics parade is due to start, the Red Sox box office will be open and will offer thousands of free tickets to future games this season, including Yankees tickets.
“We expect half the city to show up at Fenway today,” Larry Lucchino said with a wink. “People will forget pretty quickly about the Celtics. Hell, they didn’t even come close to having the same number of arrests at their post-championship celebration, so who really cares about the Celtics? I said it before, I’ll say it again—we’re the show. And we'll take any measures to make sure it stays that way.”
When asked how these Red Sox tickets became available when tickets are sold-out all year, and how they plan to give them for free, Lucchino just grinned. “Well of course there are no tickets available!” he growled. “But people won’t find that out until they miss the Celtics parade, which is the whole point of the plan.”
Will this dastardly plan have a backlash? “You mean will people stop coming to Red Sox games?” Lucchino asked, before breaking into convulsions of laughter. “Yeah,” he howled. “We’re really worried about that.”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
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