Fresh off the incident with Paul Pierce of the Celtics being fined for supposedly making a menacing gang-related gesture toward the Atlanta Hawks, Bud Selig acted swiftly early this morning by fining John Henry $25,000 and warning him for making menacing gang-related gestures toward the Toronto Blue Jays bench last night.
“He made a very menacing gang-themed gesture,” said Selig, who claims his own paperboy’s uncle’s mechanic had a friend who was once of a member of the notorious Bloods gang. “I know a lot about the gang culture, and I won’t let it infiltrate baseball. Henry doesn’t fool me. He’s not bringing that element to this gloriously pure sport.”
Henry, however, was incredulous when informed. “Gangs? Bloods? Crypts? Gracious, I know nothing of such things,” he said. “It sounds positively dreadful.”
When asked to clarify what gesture he was making toward toward the Toronto bench, Henry smiled as he realized the confusion. “Why, the Royal Duke of Ontario and his splendid Duchess were sitting in seats near the Toronto dugout, for goodness sake,” he laughed. “I was just motioning them to join me for tea after the game!”
When informed, Selig said he would review the tape but was unconvinced. “Henry’s a banger,” Selig said. “Just look at him. It tells you all you need to know.”
