Near tragedy struck in the clubhouse of the Detroit Tigers last night after another loss to the Red Sox when two Tigers’ players were lit on fire while sitting near their lockers. Gary Sheffield and Magglio Ordonez were grieving after the game by themselves when they noticed that someone had set their shoelaces on fire, and the flames were quickly spreading. Screams filled the clubhouse and panic ensued, but thanks to the handy work of teammates, they were able put out the flaming players with a fire extinguisher. Inexplicably, Sheffield then punched the teammate who saved his life, blaming him for dousing him with the foam from the extinguisher. “You ever heard of water?” he reportedly screamed.
Manager Jim Leyland apparently had told his struggling team after the game that he wanted to light a fire under them, and apparently meant it literally. With the exception of a three-game sweep in Yankee Stadium earlier this year—no big accomplishment—the team has had few highlights. While Tigers’ publicists tried to explain that Leyland, who smokes about six packs a day, simply tossed an errant cigarette in the direction of the players, the manager was having none of that.
“It wasn’t no cigarette,” the interminably grouchy Leyland said. “I picked those two guys because they’re our biggest stars. We were picked to be the best team in baseball, and we stink. I’m sick of losing. Let’s see if this gives us a spark, so to speak.”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
