Sox Young Players Have Some Confused Notions on What Exactly Buckner Did "Wrong"
It was a touching ceremony at Fenway Park to say the least. Bill Buckner, who for generations of morons and those who know little about baseball was the supposed “goat” of the 1986 World Series, was welcomed to Fenway and was warmly greeted by fans. Buckner’s unfortunate legacy has mostly been crafted by "journalists" who scurry around in dark places and feed of the refuse of the weak—e.g. Dan Shaughnessy—but for the young Red Sox players today, who wisely avoid the Shaughnessy’s of the world, there was much confusion as to what Buckner was actually being forgiven for.
“He’s the dude who gave out all that bad information about weapons of masked destruction that sent us to war in Iraq,” Jonathan Papelbon commented, as some teammates nodded. “It's an emotional moment, dude, but I'm willing to forgive him. But man, think of how many people have died because of this guy.”
“You got it wrong, dude,” said Dustin Pedroia. “Years ago when the Red Sox had the chance to sign Jackie Robinson, this was the guy who refused to do it. Screwed the organization for years. They’re finally saying all is forgiven.”
“No wait!” said Jacoby Ellsbury. “He was that governor with all the prostitutes, man. I tell you what, I can forgive him. That one on all the newspapers was a babe, dude.”
Finally, a jovial Curt Schilling came over to the confused youngsters and said. “No, you got it all wrong,” he said. “This guy just slit Shaughnessy’s tires before the game and then fired a few water balloons at him. Fans are just giving him some love for that.”
The youngsters universally agreed that Schilling was right; that only the hatred for Shaughnessy could bring out such an emotional display of affection. As Schilling sat back and watched, he said to himself, “If only it was true. For all the knives CHB stuck in Buckner’s back over the years, that’d be some nice payback.”
