One might have thought that the news from this weekend could not get more shocking. Roger Clemens’ former trainer Brian McNamee apparently told congress that he had once injected the pitcher’s wife—per Roger’s request—with Human Growth Hormone before she posed in the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated. But Call of the Green Monster has learned that not only did McNamee claim to have injected Clemens’ wife, but he also injected Clemens’ dog, Klubber, on several occasions.
“It was very disturbing testimony,” said an anonymous congressional source. “It’s bad enough that you want your wife injected with that stuff, but your dog? It’s so inhumane! How would you like to be injected with Dog Growth Hormone?”
McNamee apparently made Clemens aware of the possibility that his dog could take on human characteristics, but Roger was adamant about proceeding. “No wonder that dog’s been freaking me out,” a friend of Clemens’ told us. “It sounds more like a human than a dog, and it won’t touch dog food no more. Roger's been serving that thing Porterhouse steaks, and they lift weights together.”
McNamee claims that on at least 10 occasions he came to the doghouse of Klubber and personally injected him. The dog’s muscle quality increased dramatically, and in a matter of weeks Clemens could no longer keep up with Klubber when they ran together. “I’m tellin’ ya,” said Clemens’ friend, “you hear the human-like bark on that dog and it’ll haunt you the rest of your life. And the other day, I could just swear that dog looked right at Roger and said, ‘I’m smarter than you are.’”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
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