With New Contract, Francona Will Finally Build Extension to His Kitchen
It seemed to take forever for Sox manager Terry Francona to get a new contract that made him one of baseball’s highest paid managers. Now, the two-time World Series leader will have the opportunity to make $20 million over the next four years. While Francona was conservative with personal expenses during the tenuous years in which he was making about a million a year, the added financial security has allowed him to be good to himself. At a press conference yesterday, Francona announced to a thoroughly bored media that he has begun work on an extension to his kitchen.
“Oh, yeah, we’re gonna have a first-class kitchen,” Francona said with a cocky smile, as he passed around blue-prints. “Microwave mounted, table where we can eat, chairs—smooth sailing, pal.” Francona denied rumors that his wife had harped on him for years to spend some money on the house. “No truth to that at all,” he said. “I bought her a nice vacuum cleaner when we won the Series in 2004. She’s got a beautiful kitchen now, and if I get another contract in four years, hell, we’ll talk about adding a family room.”
Recent comments by his players, however, seem to confirm the notion of Francona being tight with his money. “The guy gets a fat contract,” said Jonathan Papelbon, “and he takes the team to grimiest Chinese buffet in Florida to celebrate. There’s grease dripping off the walls, and the spare ribs are like nine days old. And the waiters are all American! Who wants to eat Chinese from a waiter who speaks perfect English. It ruins all the charm.”
Curt Schilling said Francona is already testing his patience. “I’m out for at least half the season anyway,” he said, “and I swear to you all this guy does is follow me around talking about is his lousy kitchen. It’s the tackiest thing you’ve ever seen. He keeps this up, he's gonna get hit.”
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