He has talked extensively to Call of the Green Monster about the importance of reaching out to the stupid Red Sox fan as a means of achieving continued financial prosperity for the franchise. Yesterday, Larry Lucchino, well dressed with hair slicked back, gave a chilling speech to shareholders of the Boston Red Sox on how the ruthless stupid philosophy must continue.
“By appealing to the stupid fan, we have achieved wealth beyond our wildest dreams,” Lucchino said. “We get fans to pay hundreds of dollars to sit in medieval torture devices we call seats—hell, there are people who’ll sit behind a pole—get them to pay eight bucks for a beer, and pay thirty bucks for a pink baseball hat. Some would criticize me for the “stupidization,” if you will, of Red Sox Nation.” He looked out across his audience, and took a sip of water.
“I am not a destroyer of franchises, I’m a liberator of them!” he continued. “The point is, ladies and gentleman, that stupidity—for lack of a better word—is good. Stupidity is right. Stupidity works. Stupidity clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Stupidity, in all of its forms—stupidity for life, for money, for love, knowledge—has marked the upward surge of mankind. And stupidity—you mark my words—will continue to save the Boston Red Sox.”
Lucchino sat down before a stunned audience. John Henry leaned over and whispered, “Haven’t I heard that speech somewhere before?”
“Wrote it myself,” Lucchino replied, as Henry then patted him on the back.
“Well done, Larry.”
(thanks, GG)
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
callofthegreenmonster.com or cotgm.com
