As voting of this year’s Cy Young Award revealed that C.C. Sabathia was the winner, an angry Josh Beckett, spending the day at his hunting ranch in Texas, proceeded to vent his rage by killing 157 animals in what was later tabbed as the most successful hunt in the ranch’s history. Deer, birds, coyotes, turkeys, and bobcats all fell victim to the barrage of bullets from Beckett’s weapons. It’s estimated that the harvested meat could feed a small impoverished country. “To be honest, it’s a little easier for Josh” said a friend who wished to remain anonymous, “because he knows where the animals are--it's his ranch. Everyone else has to go looking for them.” No humans were killed, though several close calls were reported.
Later in the day, a visibly calmer Beckett sat down to address the media. “I’m so grateful to have hunting in my life,” he said with a poignant smile, as animal blood and entrails stained his face and dripped off his jacket. “It’s always helped me to focus on and find my inner peace. Blowing the brains out of a few of those animals helps me realize what the most important things are in life.”
Meanwhile, reports out of Cleveland were that the portly Sabathia had closed down several Burger Kings throughout the city, celebrating his victory. “That’s how I find my inner peace,” he reportedly said.
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