Cleveland Mayor Frank G. Jackson took to the airwaves this morning to warn all Indians fans to hold on to the adorable hankies that they wave around like brainwashed cult members, because they will come in handy when the Indians inevitably fall to the Red Sox this weekend.
“Citizens of Cleveland,” the Mayor began, “I implore you to hold on to those hankies, for come Sunday evening there will be wailing, moaning, and gnashing of teeth, with many tears shed when our Indians are crushed by the Red Sox this weekend. We had our chance, but it’s over now. Let’s take our fall gracefully this weekend when Fausto “Deer in the Headlights” Carmona chokes just like pseudo Cy Young candidate C.C. Sabathia before him; and I’m sure we all realize that Jake Westbrook isn’t winning any Game Seven in Boston. So keep those hankies, cry in them, sob in them, and blow your noses in them. And think about what might have been.”
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