Representatives of Aryan Nation held a press conference yesterday during which they called for the management of WEEI to return the Dennis and Callahan show to the airwaves immediately.
“Of course we can still hear Red Sox talk in the morning on WEEI,” said an emotional representative, “but without Brother Callahan and Brother Dennis’s special way of blending that talk with their particular blend of hatred directed at minorities, women, and anyone who doesn’t see the world with the same narrow vision they do, something’s missing.” He paused for moment to compose himself, and gently wipe the tears from his eyes.
“We beg Brother Callahan and Brother Dennis to take a little less money so that they can continue to spew the kind cruel and hateful humor that warms our hearts, puts a big smile on our face every day, and makes the world a little more divided,” he said. “We’re willing to burn a cross on the lawn of WEEI, whatever it takes. Brother Callahan and Brother Dennis have a gift. Hatred and anger like that doesn’t come along every day—it’s special. Bring them back!”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
callofthegreenmonster.com
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There has been a gradual change at Fenway Park over the past few years. It goes beyond the preponderance of pink hats: there are the outrageous actions of Manny Ramirez cutely being dismissed as “Manny Being Manny,” fans more intent on batting a beachball than watching a baseball game, and fans for whom the high point of the night is the singing of “Sweet Caroline” and doing “The Wave.” One Boston writer dubbed Red Sox Nation “Nitwit Nation,” and others have questioned whether Red Sox fans are really as erudite as they are often credited. 
Matt Clement’s tenure with the Boston Red Sox has been a major disappointment for the organization and for the pitcher. Signed to a bloated three-year contract, Clement had a fine first half season, and it’s been all downhill from there. Beaned in the head by a line drive, inconsistent performances, and finally surgery that revealed massive shoulder damage. Now, as the contract has almost expired, the Red Sox are trying to get some value out of Clement while he is still with the team.
The reports on Yankees owner George Steinbrenner do not sound positive. Rarely seen in public anymore, there are a plethora of rumors circulating that The Boss’s health is in decline. This, of course, has led to speculation on what might become of the Yankees franchise were Steinbrenner to expire. Call of the Green Monster has learned that Steinbrenner, despite believing that he is ultimately immortal, has proactively planned for how the Yankees are to be run for what he terms “the period of time during which I might be dead.”
He has been the radio voice of the Boston Red Sox for the past 25 years, and for the past several years worked with colleague and friend Jerry Trupiano. However, at the end of last season, Trupiano was let go by the Red Sox, and two younger partners have taken over, alternating games. All of this has led to much confusion for Castiglione, who loves to focus on the game, supply fans with endless “interesting anecdotes,” and often gets overly excited about Red Sox fly balls that end up being shallow outs. When asked yesterday how things were going with his new partners Glenn Gefner and Dave O’Brien, Castiglione seemed perplexed.
The comments were somewhat shocking. One would think that 
Former Red Sox infielder Jose Offerman is blaming Call of the Green Monster for his 
When the Red Sox signed relief pitcher Hideki Okajima this winter, the common belief was that he was being brought in essentially as a companion for Daisuke Matsuzaka. Call of the Green Monster has learned, however, that the plan has backfired in a big way. Instead of becoming friends, the two pitchers are mortal enemies, and are in the midst of a heated feud that continues to escalate.
On a sunny morning recently at Fenway Park a young tour guide stopped his group and pointed to a seat in the right field grandstands. “Right in this seat, folks,” he said, “Paul Revere watched the Red Sox beat the Yankees, just days after his historic ride announcing that the British were coming.” Let alone that baseball was many years from even being invented, the tour guide kept a straight face while his gullible guests seemed fascinated.
Late Thursday night, Call of the Green Monster learned that Terry Francona plans to rest his entire team tonight in Baltimore, thereby forfeiting the game to the Orioles. The team arrived in Baltimore Thursday morning at 9:00 am from the west coast, but a weary Francona met with his team that night and made the shocking announcement.
When the Yankees spent a prorated $28 million to acquire a pitcher who’s averaging around six innings a start and is under .500, they were hoping he would be a dominant force in their rotation. While they still hold hope that that will happen, executives within the organization are even more proud of some of the side benefits of signing Clemens.
It is a trait we have grown accustomed to during his storied Red Sox career. David Ortiz, before each pitch, steps out of the batter’s box, spits into his hand, and emphatically slaps his hands together. Fans seem to love it. But many health officials throughout New England are enraged by the practice, saying that it encourages the spread of germs and general unsanitary practices. And now, they plan to take action.
On the bench he often looks comatose. Staring in bewilderment trying to figure out how a team with a payroll about $50 million higher than its nearest competitor could be struggling. Wondering why he continues to work for a sociopath like George Steinbrenner. Though he sips tea constantly in an attempt to stay awake, Joe Torre finally admitted yesterday what many already knew: he takes a nap on the bench during each game.
Many thought the Red Sox had little chance of securing premier pitcher Eric Gagne because he had a no-trade clause, wanted to continue to close games, and had incentives linked to his performance as a closer. But Call of the Green Monster learned today that none of those aspects of the deal turned out to be a factor. Instead, Gagne, a good-looking young man who on the mound takes on the weird persona of a cast-off from Revenge of the Nerds with his thick plastic glasses, was convinced to come to the Red Sox when they were able to prove to him that they had found a brand of contact lens that would let him forever shed the embarrassing glasses that humiliate him every night on the mound.
