It is a trait we have grown accustomed to during his storied Red Sox career. David Ortiz, before each pitch, steps out of the batter’s box, spits into his hand, and emphatically slaps his hands together. Fans seem to love it. But many health officials throughout New England are enraged by the practice, saying that it encourages the spread of germs and general unsanitary practices. And now, they plan to take action.
Standing behind a banner that read “Hit Like Papi, But Don’t Huck Like Papi!” Dr. Sal Iva, a leading specialist on germ control spoke with reporters yesterday. “We are appalled by the example Mr. Ortiz is setting for millions of children throughout New England with this abhorrent practice,” he fumed. “No wonder the man hugs everyone. Who the hell would want to shake his germ-infested hand?” Dr. Iva went on to say that young boys throughout New England are walking down the hallways of their schools, spitting into their hands and slapping them together. “It's an epidemic. Schools are literally becoming breeding factories for germs because of Mr. Ortiz. There’s a shortage throughout the state on hand sanitizers. We implore him to stop this disgusting habit.”
When informed of the controversy, Ortiz shrugged. “Hey man, all I do is spit into my batting glove,” he said. “You really want to bug someone about spitting? How about Francona, man. They have to replace the grass at Fenway every two weeks with all the stuff he spits. That hurts the environment, you know? I’m just spitting on myself, not hurting nobody. Leave me alone and let me play ball.”