Curt Schilling has never been reticent about expressing an opinion. He recently stirred up controversy with his criticism of Barry Bonds’ steroid use--among other things--and the following inexplicable apology. Yesterday he offended the government of Mongolia by suggesting that the country’s reliance subsidies from China to supplement its fishing industry ultimately hurts its chances to be self-reliant and prosper. After careful study, the Red Sox announced today that they have found a loophole in the Player’s Union contract that will allow them to prevent Schilling from making unfortunate comments.
“Clearly, we cannot force Curt to stop making comments to the media,” said a Red Sox legal expert. “But we have found that there is nothing in the union contract that prevents us from physically restraining him from speaking. Therefore, we have implemented a policy that with the exception of pitching and eating, Curt will be required to wear a muzzle at all times. Technically, it won’t prevent him from speaking—you just won’t be able to understand anything he’s saying. Kind of like when Manny talks.”
The Sox insist it will be an entirely humane procedure and that although Schilling doesn’t like it—he devoted 5,234 words on his blog to protest the decision—they feel it is best for the team. And what of that blog, the other forum Schilling uses that also gets him into trouble?
“Believe me,” said a Sox official, “we have hackers working around the clock to solve that problem. Eventually, we’ll muzzle that too.”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
