A math major, he is not. A logic major, he is not. In fact, confusion is a major part of any day in the life of Johnny Damon. He often needs to check his hat to remember what team he plays for. So it is not entirely surprising that Damon seems to be having trouble grasping the concept of how many games the Yankees are behind the Red Sox right now in the AL East. When a reporter yesterday asked how he felt about being 13 1/2 games behind the Red Sox, he looked perplexed.
“Wait, so like, we’ve got to play 13 more games than them?” he asked. “Like, um, that's no fair. I don’t get that. Maybe we’ve had more rainouts than them 'n stuff, but I don’t think it’s been raining that much, dude. And, like, how do you play half a game?”
Reporters tried several different ways to explain the concept to him, and one seemed to break through. “So, like, I get it,” a relieved Damon finally said. “They’ve won more games than us. A lot more. That makes sense, because, like, it seems like we’re losing more games than we used to. I don’t really care about that, I just like to have fun. But Mr. Steinbrenner is different. He get's real mad. We'll be okay, though. We're gettin' some famous old guy to pitch for us and, like, he might be pretty good.”
When asked if he thinks the Yankees can catch the Red Sox, confusion again took root. “You’re losing me again, dude,” he told reporters. “Um, like, we don’t have to catch them. It’s not like football when you gotta run after someone and tackle them. It’s not, like, a race. We’ve just gotta win.” A look of sadness came over his face. “But, like, we just don’t seem to know how to do that, unless we cheat--one way or another. Maybe we should do more of that.”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
