The news came as sheer, unbridled joy to Manny Ramirez. Last night, the Red Sox, fearing perhaps a season-long Manny disruption, finally gave the star right-fielder the news he had been waiting for and told him he had been traded. However, all is not what it might seem.
“We had some intern from our front office call him and tell him he’d been traded,” Theo Epstein explained to Call of the Green Monster. Ramirez, according to sources, began dancing around in celebration. When he finally asked where he had been traded, he was told he had been dealt to the Boston Red Sox. After a brief moment of hesitation followed by a quizzical look, Manny again erupted into a celebratory dance. “I’m going to Boston! I’m going to Boston!” he sang. “I’m outta this hell-hole I been in for all these years! Boston, here I come, baby.”
Epstein feels relieved that the matter is at least temporarily settled, and expressed little surprise that Manny would fall for the ruse. “When we strategized on this, we realized that during the season, Manny rarely has even the slightest clue what city he’s in,” Epstein explained. “Whenever we tried to pinpoint him on what his problems were with the city of Boston, he seemed perplexed. We came to suspect that Manny’s continual gripes about playing in Boston were just part of his personality, and that if he didn’t complain about this, he’d find something else to complain about—in any city. So far the plan his working.”
“All my injuries are suddenly healed, man,” Ramirez exclaimed, as the celebration continued. “I am ready to play. I think Boston’s the place where they got that bathroom out in right field. What more could you want!”