Sox Announce Plans to Sell Tickets on Per-Inning Basis

With the enormous amounts of money spent this offseason, the Red Sox front office once again find themselves scrambling for revenue sources to make up for the small ballpark. The team anticipates that thousands of fans from Japan will be looking to come to Fenway to see fellow country Daisuke Matsuzaka, but with games already sold-out, there would appear to be no way to take advantage of this potential goldmine.
           “Then it hit me,” said a smiling Larry Lucchino.  “Why are we sticking to this antiquated system of selling tickets for an entire game?  Fans are so desperate to see the Red Sox, they would gladly pay full admission just to see an inning.  And we’re only too happy to accommodate.”
           Hence the Red Sox have completely scrapped their entire ticketing system, and will now sell tickets on an inning-by-inning basis.  “We’ll hardly be able to keep up with all the money,” Lucchino cackled, greedily rubbing his hands together.  Plans call for the park to be emptied at the end of every inning, with a new 35,000 fans quickly shuffled in and seated during the break.  “It’ll be a little hectic,” Lucchino admitted.  “But, hey, when those thousands upon thousands of fans are outside the park broiling in the hot sun waiting to get inside, just think of all the concessions they’ll buy.  I don’t know why I didn’t think of this years ago!”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com