After the shocking announcement that Derek Jeter was named Golden Glove at shortstop for the 2006 season, despite finishing with over twice as many errors as Red Sox shortstop Alex Gonzalez, Major League Baseball today delivered an even more shocking announcement: Jeter will be the 2006 Cy Young Award winner as well. On the heels of his expected MVP triumph, Jeter will be the first player ever to win all three awards.
"Yes, we realize that Derek is not actually a pitcher," said a testy Bud Selig when making the announcement. "What can I say? The writers are in love with Derek. When I asked them how they could give the ultimate pitching award to a guy who never even threw a pitch, most writers said things like, 'Well, he's a winner' or 'He's a character guy.' It's like he's got some spell on them. They call him a winner even when the team got bounced out of the playoffs again in the first round. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that makes him a loser, doesn't it?"
When Jeter was asked to explain the phenomenon, he shrugged. "For the Cy Young award, I have no clue," he said. "Maybe they were influenced by Tim McCarver gushing over me all the time." He offered a more logical explanation for the Golden Glove. "I can see why they gave me the Golden Glove over Gonzalez, because I had to play alongside a third baseman who was having a season-long nervous breakdown," he explained, referring to ARod. "Not only did I have to worry about fielding ground balls, but I had to duck out of the way of all his throws or the guy would have killed me."