It was an almost surreal site in the Yankees clubhouse. Alex Rodriguez, who concluded a week in which he had continued to hit poorly in the clutch and also raised his error total to an unsightly 18, sat in the clubhouse, carrying on a spirited conversation with a fan, who was reminding him how wonderfully he had played and of his never-ending greatness. In reality, however, there was no one sitting next to Rodriguez. But, what players, coaches, and media have come to learn is that ARod has invented an imaginary fan, who evidently comforts him while actual Yankees fans continue to boo him ruthlessly—no pun intended.
“Why thank you, Stanley,” ARod gushed, while putting on his socks after a recent game. “You’re too kind. But I must disagree somewhat, I mean, my brilliance does have some limits. I’m not Superman, you know. And you’re right, the errors aren’t my fault. The other players just can’t catch.”
“Who are you talking to?” a reporter finally asked ARod.
Startled, Rodriguez looked around the clubhouse suspiciously, aware for the first time that he had been seen carrying on a conversation with his imaginary fan.
“Stanley,” ARod said in a feeble voice.
“Who’s Stanley?” came the next question. “And, uh, where is he?”
“He’s, why he’s a fan.”
“Fan?” laughed Derek Jeter, sitting next to him. “Dude, you heard that crowd in Yankee Stadium? For that matter, you heard the crowd in any stadium you walk into? They got no love for you, pal.”
“I’ve heard them,” ARod said defiantly. “They don’t appreciate my brilliance. Stanley does.”
“But Stanley’s all in your mind, dude,” Jeter said. “Think about it, you’re so desperate, you invented a fan.”
“He appreciates me, and he supports me,” said a now weeping ARod. “And when I make an error—which happens on almost every play now—he doesn’t boo me. He comforts me.”
Joe Torre said that the invention of an imaginary fan is probably the low point in ARod’s sad existence with the Yankees. “You keep wondering how low the guy will sink,” Torre said. “The choking under pressure, the girly slap, now all the errors. What’s next? The guy’s about a day away from ending up on the Jerry Springer Show. The other day, he actually asked me if I’d like to have dinner with him and Stanley. I told him to go take a nap.”
Johnny Damon, however, supported his teammate. “Like, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Alex. I met Stanley, and I think he’s a great guy, a great fan too. I introduced him to all my imaginary friends. We had such a cool time, dude.”
bill@callofthegreenmonster.com
