It was an interesting idea. In an attempt to lure Roger Clemens to return to the Red Sox for one final season, the organization put together a video to demonstrate to the star pitcher how much Bostonians want him back. Despite all the best intentions, the move appears to have backfired.
“You know, I ‘ppreciate what them folks is trying to do for me,” said Clemens last night, when reached on his cellphone at a tobacco-spitting competition near his home in Katy, Texas. “But that video they sent was just too darn complicated. I kept getting all mixed up like, an’ finally I just gave up on it.” Clemens said he guesses that the intention was to show him they wanted him to come to Boston to play. “I got an idea they want me to play for them again, and, hell, I just might. But they probably just shoulda’ wrote me a letter or somethin’. I never could figure out them VCRs and DVDs ‘n stuff. An’, like I said, the story in the video they sent me was just too confusing.”
“What the hell was confusing about it?” fumed an incredulous Larry Lucchino when apprised of Clemens’ comments. “For crying out loud, this wasn’t The Matrix or Syriana with a million plot twists! It was a series of highlights of his career in Boston, and then some shots of Bostonians—including the Red Sox organization—telling him how much we wanted him back. This wasn’t exactly a Bergman film.” Nevertheless, Lucchino admits that his original idea to send a cartoon video to Clemens may have been the way to go. “I’ve heard that’s his favorite, and in retrospect, we should have made it as simple—and I mean really simple—as possible.”
Lucchino is still adamant about how much the Red Sox would like to get Clemens back in Boston, despite this latest complication. “Think about it,” he said. “We’ve had great success modeling our team as a bunch of idiots. Well, if you think about it, Roger is the original idiot.”