With the shocking development of Theo Epstein’s abrupt resignation from the Boston Red Sox, Dunkin Donuts was forced to shelve a planned ad that was designed to spoof the relationship between the president and the GM.
“The ad was intended play off the dynamics of the Epstein-Lucchino relationship,” said Dunkin Donuts spokesperson Paul Morris. “It depicted Theo in the back of the kitchen, covered in flour and dough, frantically making donuts while falling behind, as Lucchino repeatedly pokes his head through the door and yells, ‘More donuts, Theo! More donuts!’ A flabbergasted Epstein then looks into the camera and says, ‘I signed on for three more years of this?’ It was pretty lighthearted and cute fun.” Morris said that with Epstein’s departure, the ad had to be shelved.
Larry Lucchino, however, seeing a brilliant marketing opportunity, is heavily lobbying for the ads to be run, though in an altered form. “This is a brilliant commercial, and a solid marketing opportunity for the Red Sox,” Lucchino maintains. “However, Dunkin Donuts feels that with Theo gone, the ad would lose its power. That’s why I’m suggesting my good friend Dan Shaughnessy fill in.”
Shaughnessy, after a brief inquiry to ensure he would be paid well, immediately agreed. “So, you read my columns!” Shaughnessy said to Morris. When Morris said he didn’t, Shaughnessy muttered, “Everybody says that. What do I have to do to get someone to read my columns? But anyway, I’m in.”
The ending of the ad was rewritten to compensate for Epstein’s departure. Now, as Lucchino barks in his donut orders to Shaughnessy, Shaughnessy, covered in flour and dough as donuts come flying off the conveyer belt and hit him off the head, looks at the camera and says, “By the way, the Globe's parent company, The New York Times Company, owns 17 percent of Dunkin Donuts…”
williamdmahoney@yahoo.com
