Red Sox Announce that New Pope, Benedict XVI, Will Throw Out First Pitch at Upcoming Sox-Yankees Game at Fenway
The Red Sox were delighted to announce yesterday that the newly elected Pope, Benedict XVI, will travel to Fenway Park in his one of his initial pilgrimages from the Vatican in order to attend a Red Sox-Yankees game and throw out the ceremonial first pitch. “Although his favorite team is the Padres,” said Larry Lucchino, “I’m told His Holiness is a big Red Sox fan.”
How the former Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger developed his love of the game is unclear, although he has already made scattered references to baseball in some of his initial comments as Holy See. “Let me say that I detest interleague play,” the feisty Pope has said. “Sure, it’s interesting to see the Yankees play the Mets or the Red Sox against the Braves. But how about the Marlins and Tampa Bay or the Rockies against the Kansas City Royals? Boring! And this designated hitter rule is an abomination--the pitcher must bat! I will be speaking with this Bud Selig character about restoring the purity of the game.”
Meanwhile the Red Sox are planning to roll out the red carpet for the Pontiff, even planning to honor him with a special Papal World Series Championship ring. He will have a Duck Tour through the city prior to the game, and then will ride right into Fenway where he will hurl the first pitch to Jason Varitek.
Pope Benedict has requested a seat right behind the Yankees dugout because he said he wants to taunt the Yankees players during the game. “Oh, do I have some choice words for this Alex Rodriguez fellow,” the Pope reportedly said with a mischievous wink. "And if this George Steinbrenner scoundrel is around--he will hear from me."
