Many Red Sox observers have noticed with concern this season that troubled closer Keith Foulke’s velocity seems to have dipped. Normally a steady but not overwhelming 88 to 90 mph, Foulke's fastball is now typically registering at about 85 on the radar gun. Until now it has been a mystery, but a recent front office investigation determined that a Korean herb that Foulke drinks in his tea before each game, was actually given to him by beleaguered former Sox pitcher Byung Hyun Kim, who also suffered a startling drop in velocity.
“When we traced it to Kim, red flags went up all over,” said a source in the Sox front office. “We threw the herb away, and got him a box of Lipton right away, because Foulkie does love his tea.” As the Sox explored the origins of the strange herb that may well have afflicted both pitchers, they have learned that it is often given to workers in Korean fish factories, where stronger workers sometimes hurl the fish too hard when unpacking them from crates, and end up damaging the fish. “This herb gives them a softer touch,” said Lee Choi, a famed Korean herbalist. When asked why Kim might have taken the herb, Choi shrugged. “That guy always seemed mixed up to me.”
Meanwhile, Red Sox officials can only hope they have solved Foulke’s problems. “Unbelievable,” said a disgusted Red Sox official. “Kim used to throw 95 now he throws 85, and Foulke is already down to 85, and these two geniuses are sipping away on their tea and can’t figure out the problem. Why we ever let Foulke get within 50 feet of Kim might be the biggest mystery of all.”
