Steinbrenner to Go On Hunger Strike Until Yankees Reach First Place
On Sunday evening, after getting swept by the Baltimore Orioles—preceded by losing two of three to the Red Sox—for their worst start in years, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner issued a statement about his team: Enough is enough. But as he looked at the standings the next day and saw the nausea-inducing sight of the Red Sox battling for first place while the Yankees fought the Devil Rays to stay out of the cellar, he determined that stronger action was needed. In a follow-up statement, the tempestuous owner announced: “I will take no solid food until the New York Yankees are in first place. We simply must be in first place, and I’ll take drastic measures to insure it.”
Steinbrenner said that he also “suggested” to General Manager Brian Cashman that he join him in the hunger strike. “I told Brian that this mess is all his fault, and that it might be advantageous to his employment status that he join me in this strike.” Cashman, evidently, has complied with his wishes.
The Yankees immediately responded with a resounding 19-8 win over the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. “I’m thrilled to the bones that we beat Tampa,” said a decidedly unenthused Steinbrenner. “I’m glad to see Alex Rodriguez get five hits and two homeruns off the Devil Rays. But now I’d like to see him hit that way against someone a bit more formidable than kids three days out of high school.” Tuesday, when ace Randy Johnson was pounded by the lowly Rays, Steinbrenner's anger intensified.
Later in the evening, a Call of the Green Monster source witnessed Steinbrenner in a private suite in Yankee Stadium, dining on an enormous piece of sumptuous filet mignon with a one-pound lobster, honey-grazed potatoes, and a carrot and string beans medley, with fresh-out-of-the-oven garlic rolls. Cashman sat next to him sipping a glass of water while staring longingly at Steinbrenner’s plate. “You didn’t actually think that I was going to go on a hunger strike, Brian, did you?” Steinbrenner asked incredulously. He then shooed Cashman out of the room, and invited some advisors to sit down. “Brian chose the team, so he has to suffer,” he said. “Publicly, I’ll still maintain that I’m on a hunger strike—keep a sad, weak expression just for show—for the good of the organization.”
As Steinbrenner finished his meal and had a dessert of Bananas Foster placed before him, he paused for a moment. “I’m a little worried about Cashman, to tell you the truth,” he said. “Heck, he looks like he's about 95 pounds to begin with. Going several days without food won’t help.” He took a big sip of a fine vintage wine, and then thought. “Ahh, he’ll be fine,” he laughed.
