The Boston Red Sox traveled to the White House yesterday to be honored by the President for winning the 2004 World Series. Many awkward moments ensued, as it is well known that Red Sox ownership had campaigned for John Kerry during the recent election and still feel bitter about his loss. Meanwhile Curt Schilling, an ardent supporter of President Bush, was determined to have his moment in the spotlight.
The first awkward moment of the day occurred when Senator Kerry, with the help of Tom Werner and Theo Epstein (John Henry had the sniffles and couldn't come), somehow managed to work his way through security to join the ceremony. Kerry immediately took the microphone. “All of America should be inspired that the New England Red Sox battled through adversity all year, much as I did while fighting in Vietnam, to take that title home,” he said. “They are truly America’s greatest sports team.” Weeks earlier, Kerry had given the “Boston” Patriots the same honor, causing some hecklers in the crowd to yell, “Flip-flop!”
When President Bush finally took the microphone, Theo Epstein positioned himself behind the president and held up a “Vote Hillary in 2008” sign. Kerry then tore the sign out of his hands, telling Theo that he may well run again, and a brief tussle ensued. Bush then baffled guests as he praised the Red Sox for 86 years of domination over the Yankees, citing the wisdom and leadership of Red Auerbach as instrumental to the Sox reign. “This victory was an iteration to all America, and sends a strong message to the evil-doers that good triumphs…over…uh… bad…every time.”
Kerry then asked for a rebuttal, but Curt Schilling stepped in instead, directing his comments at the Sox GM. “Theo, holding up that 'Vote Hillary in 2008' was the biggest bush league play I’ve ever seen,” he said. “You think Brian Cashman would ever do something like that? No way.”
As the ceremony continued, Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy could be seen ambling toward the scene, and everyone agreed that this was a good moment to wrap things up. Tom Werner then presented Bush with an official Red Sox jersey, which the President graciously accepted, and tried on. He then turned around so everyone could see his name on the back, while Epstein and Werner giggled uncontrollably. It read, “President Cheney.”
