A representative from Bud Selig’s office said yesterday that Manny Ramirez had numerous embarrassing incidents during MLB’s recent tour of Japan and that Ramirez's appearance was, in short, “a disaster.”
“To begin with,” said the MLB source, “all those weird handshakes Manny does with David Ortiz are—unbeknownst to them—very offensive to the Japanese people. The crowd interpreted one handshake as a grave insult to all Japanese mothers, while another evidently suggests that Japanese children are…lacking in intelligence. Another one, the worst, was interpreted by the Japanese players as suggesting that their wives…uh…have loose morals.”
Beyond this, the source said, Manny was in the position of speaking such broken English that no Japanese could understand him, and Manny thought that he could overcome this barrier by simply speaking louder and louder. He was asked to leave several restaurants. He kept saying ‘sayonara’ over and over again, even when it didn’t apply. He also bought a car while there, and couldn’t understand why he couldn’t drive it home.
“To Manny, the world is a very small place,” said a close friend. “I think he probably thought he was just in another part of the U.S. all along, and as a result he made a number of cultural gaffes. And let’s just say that Manny could live six lifetimes, and he wouldn’t have a prayer of a chance of understanding the currency differences. He took a $5 cab ride one day, and tipped the driver $250,000. The guy retired on the spot and bought a new home. He thinks Manny is some incarnation of Buddah.”