Although the world champion Boston Red Sox face many important decisions as they arrive at the winter meetings, GM Theo Epstein has been annoying almost everyone by throwing water balloons out of his hotel window, among other gags.
Other GMs have failed to find any humor in Theo's antics. "Are we back in high school?" asked a soaking wet Yankees GM Brian Cashman as he walked into the lobby of the hotel. "You'd think winning a World Series would mature the guy a little bit, but he's like a friggin’ little kid using a shock buzzer when he shakes your hand, shooting spitballs at dinner--it's just out of hand. He put bubblegum on the lock of Billy Beane's hotel room so he couldn't get in. Get a life, man."
Hotel management has formally asked Epstein to curtail the shenanigans, but the young GM just claims to be blowing off steam. "Yesterday I mooned Dan Shaughnessy and told him to curse this," Epstein guffawed. "Then, when he was taking a shower, I snuck into his room and let loose a box full of cockroaches. You've never heard a guy scream like that. Let me tell you, if Steinbrenner ever shows up here, it'll be insane."